Category Archives: Young Adult

The Beginning of Everything… (does not necessarily happen at the beginning)

oscar wilde

“Sometimes I think that everyone has a tragedy waiting for them, […] That everyone’s life, no matter how unremarkable, has a moment when it will become extraordinary — a single encounter after which everything that really matters will happen.”

Thus begins, Ezra’s tale about the tragedies in everyone’s life, and how that can really throw your previously predictable life for a curve. His best friend’s (Toby’s) tragedy was catching a severed head on a Disneyland ride at the tender age of 12 — he was forevermore an outcast. Ezra’s tragedy was catching his girlfriend in a compromising position with another guy, which sent him rushing to his car, and soon after a horrible car accident. Before the accident, Ezra was the most popular guy at his school, played tennis, and pretty much had everything handed to him on a silver platter. But after the accident, his fake friends continue to be self-absorbed, he no longer saw himself as the cool tennis-player (is there such a thing, anyway?!), and joined the nerdy table with Toby. This is a lot to take on during one’s senior year of High School.

However, the silver lining (at least until the “tragic” part) is that Ezra meets this new girl who transfers to school — a pretty little red-head who is completely different than anyone he’s ever met. Suddenly he’s okay with being distanced from his former life… because his new life with real friends, and the debate team, and being able to use big words and speak his mind, is so much better than the superficial world he used to live in.

Still, I had issues with this new girl, Cassidy, all along — sure, she was smart, and sassy, and fun, and unpredictable. “As always, she left me wanting more, and dreaming of what it would be like if I ever got it.” … but it was also pretty obvious she had issues and that things were not going to end well for Ezra and her! She was full of half-truths or simply didn’t want to say anything about herself — I didn’t feel that made her mysterious, it made her kind of irritating! But Ezra clings to her and her tragedy for dear life — he not only wants to make amends, he wants to fix her… and he can’t… and for a long while, this troubles him greatly.

“It was as thought I’d gone off on epic adventures, chased down fireworks and buried treasure, dance to music that only I could hear, and had returned to find that nothing had changed except for me.” He seems sad about this revelation… but it seems to me to be a good thing at this point in his life. He’s simply growing up — unfortunately, no one else is. And even though he seemed to think Cassidy was the reason for his sudden maturity and self-realization, she was’t. “She lent a spark, perhaps, or tendered the flame, but the arson was mine. Oscar Wilde once said that to live is the rarest thing in the world, because most people just exist, and that’s all. I don’t know if he’s right, but I do know that I spent a long time existing, and now, I intend to live.”

In the end, this is not your typical YA love story… it’s not even a tragic love story, as we might first assume from Ezra’s introduction. It’s really about how his life took a turn, and so he changed. It might have been painful, it might have been difficult, and at certain points, it might even have been heartbreaking… but it simply allowed him to grow up and start to live.

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The Dark Side of Life / The Bright Side of Death

it's what you leave

“’Ladies and gentlemen,’ I shout, ‘I would like to welcome you to my death!’ You might expect me to say ‘life,’ having just woken up and all, but it’s only when I’m awake that I think about dying.”

Theodore Finch – horribly nicknamed ‘Theodore Freak’ by his awful classmates – is actually a pretty awesome guy. He’s charming, spontaneous, kind, and clearly bipolar. He begins his narrative by discussing being “asleep” – his time of depression, which seems to have passed… for now. He is now Awake, and keeps track of these days, as he is aware of how fleeting they can be… he is fighting his hardest not to be overtaken by the “Asleep” again.

As Finch contemplates what jumping off the school’s tower might feel and look like, he notices Violet Markey at a ledge as well – she’s popular, pretty, and scared at this great height. Violet lost her older sister Eleanor in a car accident almost a year ago. She feels overtaken by the “extenuating circumstances” of her life these days… nothing feels normal… nothing is normal… and now she’s shivering on a ledge six flights above the ground. Fortunately, Finch is there to talk her down and save her from herself. But who’d believe Theodore Freak talked the beautiful Violet Markey out of killing herself, and not the other way around? Yet, Finch is the kind of person who allows that kind of gossipy misconception to spread, so as to protect Violet’s reputation and her own feelings… after all, “This is my secret – that any moment I might fly away.” … and then nothing will matter anyway.

But so long as Finch is awake, and Violet needs someone to keep an eye on her, he is determined to stay awake, to put off death another day. “Is today a good day to die?” … Not if he can help it, and we sure do hope he can.

After many attempts to get her attention once again, and finally forcing Violet to be his partner for a Geography project via public peer pressure/mild humiliation, Finch determines to show Violet the great state of Indiana and all the quirky places they can discover and experience together. It is this journey that brings them closer together, gets her to ride in a car again, and allows them to discover all that life has to offer. It is enough to make Violet appreciate her life—her words, which were once gone, have come back in a new way, and she begins to write once more. Though still fraught with survivor’s guilt, she can see just what a wonderfully captivating guy Finch truly is… no matter what others at school might say about him. She falls for him, and looks forward to their wonderings, making sure to always leave something behind, for posterity’s sake.

They explore the highest point in Indiana, Hoosier Hill—1,257 feet above sea level— a field of retired bookmobiles, the Purina Tower, homemade roller coasters, and Indiana’s very own blue hole in a lake. Visiting these places with Finch gives Violet a reason to rediscover how amazing life can be again – but with darkness descending upon Finch, is it enough to keep him from trying not to die?

He says, “It’s my experience that people are a lot more sympathetic if they can see you hurting.” He may be the mildly neglected broken boy from a broken home, but on the outside, he is just Finch – likely to have a violent fit, throw desks at school, go wondering for days, and sweep a girl off her feet – but there is nothing visibly wrong with him… then again, who’s really looking? It becomes painfully obvious that he is fighting a losing a battle, one he cannot possibly overcome on his own… but Finch is not one to be labeled, medicated, or made to feel any less than who he is. He does not want help. He cannot be helped.

“Cesare Pavese, believer in the Great Manifesto, wrote, ’We do not remember days, we remember moments.” Finch and Violet share many days… many firsts… many wonders. They have their moments…

Heartbreaking at it all is, Jennifer Niven reminds us in All The Bright Places that in the end, “The thing I realize is that it’s not what you take, it’s what you leave.”

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The One Thing That Matters

circumstances reveal

“I’m not a fan of the bouquet. I have nothing against flowers specifically, but once they’ve been plucked from the ground and clumped together in a grouping, I find them unnerving. Maybe even a smidge creepy. Nothing says Please admire my beauty while I die a long, slow death like the floral arrangement. Looking back, I realize it was probably some sort of omen that Benjamin Milton was standing beside a bouquet when I first met him.”

Maggie Sanders has it all: wonderful parents, a beautiful home, great friends, a promising professional career in soccer, and a bright future ahead. Her booming confidence even leads her rebellious streak towards an epic high school prank— an illegal prank, which leads her directly to a parole officer. And so Maggie’s perfect life begins its decent into darkness, as a bought of bacterial meningitis proceeds to take her sight, her friends, and her bright future along with it.

“Right now my life was so broken, so mangled. I needed to glue something back together before my shaking frame fractured into a million different pieces.”

However, as circumstances would have it, it is after meeting with her parole officer— and falling not “with the dignity and grace of a self-respecting blind girl,” but instead, with a four-letter word and loud crash onto the floor— that Maggie meets Ben. Benjamin Milton is a ten-year-old boy who just happens to think, “That was the most majestic fall I’ve ever seen.” He also happens to have Spina bifida – and excellent taste in hats. Yet, Ben’s most notable quality is that Maggie can actually see him… in bright and vivid color!

Being the only person Maggie has seen in six months, and because of his bubbly, energetic, and refreshingly upbeat personality, she and Ben become fast friends. She meets his mom, and to her surprise, his older brother: Mason, lead singer of the Loose Cannons, and boy of her dreams… also the boy who thinks she’s just a fan girl faking her blindness to take advantage of his naïve little brother. Mason, therefore, exudes all kinds of loathing whenever she’s around. How can she explain she really is blind… around every other human being but Ben? Is Maggie delusional? Concussed? Hallucinating? Or is this a miraculous road to recovery?

In The One Thing, Marci Lyn Curtis creates a world we are hesitant to imagine – after all, we are (most of us) naturally inclined to want to visualize Maggie’s world… yet that is exactly what she needs us to understand: there is nothing to see. Not until Ben comes into Maggie’s world, and she doesn’t need to worry about bumping into flowers, slipping on the floor, or not knowing what she is eating… not when Ben is around. Whereas, without him Maggie’s world is empty – there is no laughter, no color, no passion for random things like Doritos, or hats with funny sayings. There is just a sense of loss for what used to be… and a lack of interest in what still could be.

While Maggie hides behind her witty answers and sarcastic remarks, it is through her relationship with Ben that she realizes just how selfish she has been. In preventing anyone from throwing her a pity-party, she has actually alienated her family and friends, ignoring their needs and their losses. Ben teaches her that although there may be loss – and he knows all about that – everyone of us can still have “a thing” that drives us forward and gives us a reason to get up every morning. These things may change: circumstances arise, and sometimes loss is inevitable.

Nonetheless, the lesson is clear:

“Circumstances don’t change us, they reveal us.”

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Reading Wonderful YA Fiction!

YA Fiction

To kick off my summer, I am focusing on what I love to read best: Young Adult Fiction!

Thus, I have had the pleasure of reading:

* Gabby Duran and the Unsittables by Elise Allen… ok, so this is actually middle grade fiction. But it is indeed awesome! Gabby Duran is just such an entertaining character, and once the story line pulls you in, you simply need to sit and read all the way through! Who doesn’t enjoy a good story about the best alien babysitter in the galaxy?

* Alice in Wonderland High by Rachel Shane is a great reimagining of Alice as a teenager joining a group of eco-vigilantes in an effort to teach her town how to be friendlier towards the environment. But does such a noble cause really excuse their extreme and rather illegal means?

* Extraordinary Means by Robyn Schneider, which was so amazing, it needed its own entry!

These book reviews should be appearing sometime soon in the San Francisco Book Review.

Happy summer reading!

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Extraordinary Means: On Self-Discovery and Second Chances

extraordinary means quote

“The life you plan isn’t the life that happens to you.”

Lane knows all about planning: he is the ultimate overachiever – his schedule is jam-packed with AP classes, study sessions to increase his SAT scores by just a few more points, and anything else that might boost his college résumé so he can impress the admissions board at Stanford. Meanwhile, Sadie is his polar opposite: she’s a fun, live-in-the-moment kind of girl, who spends her free time taking artistic photographs in the woods, and doesn’t quite set her sights on a future that may not even happen.

Yet as different as they are, Sadie and Lane do share something in common: a deadly and drug-resistant Tuberculosis strain, which is how they both end up at Latham House – a kind of boarding school for those so close to dying young, hoping to find a cure away from their friends and family who they wouldn’t want to infect. But instead of the dreary and morose atmosphere that might accompany a building full of the terminally ill, Sadie and her friends bring Lane into their roguish group, to wander the woods, smuggle contraband into their dorms, and find ways to undermine the constrictive rules of Latham: they choose to live, while they still can.

In Extraordinary Means, Robyn Schneider explores the idea of living life to the fullest, when we may not really have the time to lead a full-length life – the idea of getting a second chance to live life on your terms, for as long as you possibly can. This is what Lane discovers while being with Sadie, Nick, Charlie, and Marina – despite being terminally ill, they do not spend (all of) their time dwelling on what they no longer have, but instead on celebrating what they can still accomplish… even it’s as simple as stealing Internet access from the librarian!

“I realized then that I hadn’t had a life, I’d just had a life plan. […] I didn’t want to spend the next six years falling asleep at my desk with headphones on to block out the noise of everyone else having fun. I didn’t want to rush through all the moments that I wouldn’t know I wanted until they were gone.” Once he manages to slow down – and not necessarily by choice, but doctor’s orders – Lane discovers what he’s been missing: fun! He learns that breaking rules is enjoyable, having real friends to talk to and joke with feels great, and that connecting with others who share the same disease that could kill you, isn’t so bad. Turns out taking a step back from burning the stick at both ends, is even good for Lane’s overall health.

Unfortunately for Sadie, her experience isn’t quite the same. “I was living with TB, which is better than dying from it, but month after month, my X-rays and blood tests came back the same. And I didn’t know which change would be more terrifying, the death sentence I’d been dreading since sophomore year, or the ticket home to a life I’d missed far too much of to ever fully recover, and a world that would always treat me as an outsider if they knew.” While for Lane, Latham is a temporary escape, for Sadie, this is really where she feels most like herself, knowing that not only would the outside world keep her at arm’s length because of her illness, but also that she couldn’t be the confident, rule-breaker she is at Latham anywhere else.

Nonetheless, throughout the various interactions between this band of happy-go-lucky cool kids of Latham – both the mischievous and the heart breaking – Robyn Schneider highlights an important message: “Being temporary doesn’t make something matter any less, because the point isn’t for how long, the point is that it happened.”

Extraordinary Means is a beautifully told coming-of-age love story, which tugs at your heartstrings, while deepening your appreciation for those who matter right now.

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I Was Here

LIfe can be hard - Gayle Forman

I Was Here is quite a departure from Gayle Forman’s usual novels — it’s rather dark and morbid, yet there is hope and strength in its message.

Cody discovers that her best friend has committed suicide. It was planned perfectly: she packed her things within her dorm, she rented a motel and left a hefty tip for the maid, she bought some super-strength poison that was guaranteed to work, and she sent her family a time-delayed email letting them know what she did. After looking at the message with Meg’s little brother, Cody realizes that letter is worded strangely, and wonders if Meg was actually covering up for someone else… someone who may have pushed her over the edge.

In her efforts to discover why her best friend would do such a thing without her having the slightest clue, Cody rehashes the months Meg was away at college — she had so much going for her: charisma, intelligence, a way with people, and knowing what buttons to push to make things happen… Meg was a tour de force to be reckoned with… so why would she think it was all hopeless? Why she do such a thing without confiding in her best friend? As Cody digs through Meg’s emails, she enlists the help of her distant roommate to hack and track down all kinds in information in not-exactly-legal ways, questions other people in Meg’s life, and meets the Tragic Guitar Hero: Ben McAllister.

For Cody this is quite a change: heading out of her small town, talking to people she normally wouldn’t, questioning people’s motives in the search for truth, confronting her own weaknesses and fears, and coming to terms with her own insecurities about life and where she’s headed. Since they met in Kindergarten and became two peas in a pod, the idea was: Meg and Cody forever. But now it’s just Cody… asking the questions, confronting strangers, making new friends, learning to rely on others for help. Her search into Meg’s death is truly what defines Cody’s strength and will to live.

“Life can be hard and beautiful and messy, but hopefully, it will be long. If it is, you will see that it’s unpredictable, and that the dark periods come, but they abate — sometimes with a lot of support — and the tunnel widens, allowing the sun back in. If you’re in the dark, it might feel like you will always be in there. Fumbling. Alone. But you won’t — and you’re not. There are people out there to help you find the light.”

Cody’s all-consuming obsession with Meg’s death might seem morbid, but what else would be expected from a person who loved her friend? She needs answers… and in her own way, finds them.

Gayle Forman touches upon something not too many people talk about: depression, suicide, loss… but the story is mostly about hope, and resilience, and reaching out. Though there are dark moments, life’s unpredictability means there’s also a chance for light at the end of the tunnel… and that in confiding in others, we may find the understanding and support we all need to keep going.

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Just One Day… Just One Year… Just One Night… Just Perfect!

Life - Just One Day

“We are born in one day. We die in one day. We can change in one day. And we can fall in love in one day. Anything can happen in just one day.”

I love Gayle Forman. She is exactly what I need to read from time to time. She knows how to craft a story that makes you think… then pulls you in and takes you on a crazy ride…. only to stop abruptly and leave you thinking, WHY?! Fortunately, in those instances, there’s a second book you can quickly turn to so you don’t go absolutely insane.

I read Forman’s If I Stay — and immediately had to read, Where She Went…. because well, I needed to know where she went after she decided to stay. You know!

Most recently, I read Just One Day. It’s about Allyson Healey, who graduates High School and will soon be going to college. She’s your typical over-achiever — her parents adore how perfect their only child is. She is responsible, and predictable, and would never ever do anything wild or unexpected… until of course, she does. She meets a guy… she runs off to Paris for a day with this guy… her heart is completely and irreparably broken by said guy.

At first I wasn’t sure why Allyson was so heartbroken — after all, she seemed so… reasonable and mature. Her constant moping, failing all of her classes, and refusing to socialize made me wonder about her mental stability… until I got it: it wasn’t about Willem… it was about her own self-discovery. She wasn’t so much heartbroken about his disappearance (although that was clearly the catalyst), as she was about no longer being able to recapture who she became when she decided to spend the day with him. She had taken control of her own life, she had dared to follow her heart to Paris, and as soon as she discovers how happy taking charge could make her… well, everything went horribly wrong, and she had to head back with her tail between her legs, utterly humiliated. It made sense…

“He showed me how to get lost, and then I showed myself how to get found.”

So Allyson changes gears, works hard, and gets herself back to Paris for the search of a lifetime — which ends abruptly just as I was hoping for some closure. But that’s not the Gayle Forman way… so I instantly had to start reading Just One Year — from Willem’s point of view. His side of the story, his (very good reasons) for disappearing, his explanations for being a roaming traveler, his own search for the girl who got away… whose real name he didn’t even know.

Willem’s story goes much deeper than anything Allyson (or a reader looking at things from her point of view) could’ve foreseen. There’s so little he’s willing to give away– so little he lets slip– when he is with her. But there are clues. And with the minuscule bits of information he gathered about his “Lulu,” he searches for her…

“I’m not sure it’s possible to simultaneously love something and keep it safe. Loving is such an inherently dangerous act. And yet, love, that’s where safety lives.”

Oh! And there’s a lot of Shakespeare, too! It’s what brings them together… over and over again, in different ways, but the connections are there… and they are quite romantic (in the awesome young-adult fiction sort of way).

Lastly, once I inhaled both novels I was rewarded with the additional (and separate) chapter, Just One Night. I doubt that needs any further explanations….

In short: this is a wonderfully entertaining love story about accidents, coincidences, serendipity, and timing!

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“Embrace the Wonder”

embrace the wonder

Akarnae by Lynette Noni is truly a wonderful young adult fantasy novel! I loved reading every minute it — especially since I was really in the mood for a story where I could lose myself and follow the characters’ journey wherever it happened to lead.

Alexandra Jennings is meant to go to a boring old boarding school while her parents are away for the school year to study with some famous archeologist — and Alex is not happy about it. But as she walks into the International Exchange Academy to hand in her paperwork, she opens a door that leads into a whole new world! And although the first person she meets in Medora is a complete creep, the next two turn out to be her best buds and the perfect Akarnae Academy tour guides. Alex, Jordan, and Bear become fast friends and mischievous adventure seekers.

As she soon discovers, Akarnae is a special school for gifted students — other than being from another world (Freya), Alex isn’t quite sure what her gift is yet… but considering all of the extremely difficult and advanced classes she’s signed up for, we can be sure it’s bound to be a good one. In the meantime, there’s the sentient library with secret levels, hidden rooms, and a million doorways to keep Alex busy enough and provide her with more adventures than she bargains for.

Akarnae is a wonderfully enjoyable read not only because it takes place in an amazing world with highly advanced technology — which Alex aptly describes as something very close to magic — but also because the characters are the kind of people you definitely want to be around. Alex adapts impressively well to being stuck in a different world, trying to learn things she’s never heard of, and surviving her combat class (with some very hot guys who could pretty much crush her), all while maintaining her sense of humor and sarcastic wit. Meanwhile, Jordan and Bear are her hilarious and caring sidekicks — they know when it’s time to look for trouble, make inappropriate comments, or regale us with their charming banter.

I am really looking forward to reading the next installment of The Medoran Chronicles, since I have a lot more questions about Jordan’s strange parentage, Bear’s lovely family, the whereabouts of creepy Aven, and Lady Mystique… oh, and I’d like to know more about Kaiden and his beautiful smile!

You just can’t go wrong with a library that literally tells you to “embrace the wonder.” I can hardly wait to see what awaits Alex and her friends next!

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The Blood of Olympus — the Prophecy of Seven is Fulfilled

prophecy of seven

“Never assume you’re safe, and never, ever tempt the Fates by announcing that you think you’re safe.” — Piper

The Blood of Olympus is one hell of a ride. At the end of The House of Hades, we left Percy and Annabeth saying ‘hello’ to the stars… but the journey to save civilization as we know it from Mother Earth before the Feast of Spes is most definitely not all stars and rainbows! While Reyna, Nico, and Coach Hedge take the Athena Parthenos west, in the hopes to make a peace offering and stop the massacre between the two demigod camps at Camp Half-Blood, the rest of the crew make their way east, to Greece, where they will most likely be massacred themselves.

The story is told through the perspectives of Reyna, Nico, Leo, Jason, and Piper — my first reaction, of course, was “Oh no!!” After all of the terrible omens, bad juju, the million oaths they all keep making (while I keep tally to see which one of them is going to break it), and overall sick feeling of “the Fates are awful sadists” — not to mention the many times I was tempted to stick my book in the freezer — I decided to trust Rick Riordan to simply tell the story… whether I ended up suffering through it or not. A hero’s journey is difficult, painful, and full of sacrifices. Reyna’s first sacrifice is her constant companion, Scipio… Nico’s shadow travel west is slowly killing him… even Coach Hedge must endure being away from his wife, Millie, at a most inopportune time. There are casualties among the Hunters of Artemis and the Amazons… (while I’m still mourning Bob and Damaesen!) And most importantly, we know that Gaea’s minions not only need the Blood of Olympus to wake her, but one of the Argo II crew members is destined to die. To say this story is nerve-wrecking is an understatement.

Still, the characters’ bonds grow so much stronger as they travel east battling anything and everything the Earth Mother throws their way. Nothing like a death sentence to make everyone get up close and personal… while eating gelato. Jason becomes much more likable — his perfection becomes as fuzzy as his vision — he becomes part of the crew, instead of the straight-laced leader who can never falter. Percy and Leo are hilarious throughout the entire ordeal, which is a much needed break in between the many near-death and monster-killing parts of every page. And we can’t forget the ladies on this team, who are not only incredibly strong and resilient, but also quite a force to be reckoned with.

In true Rick Riordan fashion, the story has loose threads and is open-ended. For those seeking closure, it seems that’s not his style… and I love it! Because even if there is no 6th Heroes of Olympus book, there is still room left to imagine and dream of this world where mythology is real (except for Atlantis — that’s a “fake myth,” just ask Percy).

For now, the quest is over… the spirit of Delphi is on hiatus… there are no prophecies to tackle… and “they soared into the unknown.”

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The House of Hades — a tale of anguish and unlikely hope

Percy and Annabeth

Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work — a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you — especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards.” — Eros / Cupid

The House of Hades follows up on the awful cliffhanger from The Mark of Athena. Everyone is on survival mode — Percy and Annabeth must survive Tartarus and reach the Doors of Death, as the rest of the team — Jason, Piper, Frank, Hazel, Leo, Nico, and Coach Hedge — travels on the Argo II to reach the House of Hades. Their trials and tribulations only grow worse with each turn of the page. Frank, despite his unassuming nature, must step up to take a leading role, while Jason continues to practice relying on others so that the weight on the quest is not entirely on his shoulders. Piper must learn to be more than just a persuasive voice. Hazel must learn to control The Mist and build up her confidence, as so much of this quest depends on her knowledge of the Underworld. Nico… well, he’s just a very complex individual. Meanwhile, Coach Hedge tries to conceal certain personal information, and Leo deals with the constant upkeep of their trireme, which is under unrelenting attacks and round-the-clock repairs.

The changing points of view allows the reader to keep up with the simultaneous events — sometimes jumping from one place to another at the most inopportune times, other times giving us just enough breathing room to relax for a millisecond. We follow Percy and Annabeth’s impossible and grueling journey through the most horrible of settings — in a surprising turn of events, there is more than just a horde of evil enemies down there… (a silver light as the end of this dark, dark tunnel?) As the larger group makes its way to Greece, they inevitably must separate — whether by choice or to divide and conquer their smaller errands along the way. Jason is able to get some insight into Nico’s antisocial behavior and inner turmoil. Piper and Hazel are able to bond as the only girls on the Argo II. Leo… experiences a change. As does Frank, who is becoming tougher and more commanding for the sake of his friends — he is such a caring and cuddly guy… until you mess with his crew.

I think Percy’s thoughts really sum it up quite well: “When he started looking back on the war with Kronos as the good old days — that was sad. […] Their lives just got more and more dangerous, as if the Three Fates were up there spinning their futures with barbed wire instead of thread just to see how much two demigods could tolerate.” The real question is, how much can I tolerate? I feel very much like the heroes of this quest: on edge, unreasonably hopeful, yet awaiting the moment when it all falls apart…

… I guess I need to keep reading.

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